How to Stop Feeling Invisible and Start Belonging Anywhere
We talk a lot about nomadic strategies and slow travel but some people like to stay put and that is cool too! Moving abroad is a matter of logistics. It can be scary but it doesn't have to be.
For many people, the scary part is just leaving your apartment, putting the laptop down, and letting the city get its hands on you. Most expats and nomads don’t do this. They land, open Uber Eats or Grab, find a decent café, and quietly recreate the same life routine again and again.
I’ve done this enough times to know the difference between knowing a city and passing through it. I’ve been the guy who can’t walk three blocks without stopping to talk, and I’ve been the guy who goes home early because nobody would notice if he didn’t.
This isn’t for tourists. It’s for people with an adult budget, real work, and willingness to build something wherever they go. If you want network. If you want momentum. If you want to feel like the city responds when you show up...
The first 90 days determines all of that.
The Framework
This 90 day ramp up should look something like this:
- 72 hours to setup. Groceries, gym, work space, etc.
- Month 1 to know your neighborhood and your spots
- Month 2 to become a known regular
- Month 3 to host and anchor yourself
Most nomads stall out because they treat these phases like suggestions. But, if you really want to belong somewhere, these phases will get you there.
The 72-Hour Landing Sprint
Before you arrive, your housing is already handled. Not long-term. Not romantic. Functional.
You want a walkable pocket within 15 to 20 minutes of the places you’ll actually use: gyms, cafés, bars, grocery stores. A beautiful apartment across town is useless if traffic turns every plan into an excuse.
For the first two or three months, flexibility beats commitment. Short stays let you test neighborhoods instead of guessing wrong and resenting your lease.
Day 0–1: Feet First
No rideshares. Walk.
You’re learning how the city moves. Light. Noise. Where people gather. Which streets feel dead after dark. This tells you more in one evening than a week of Google Maps.
Get a local SIM. Global eSIMs are great if you're on the go, but local data is cheaper and faster.
Drop pins in your maps app. Three cafés. Two gyms. A couple of bars you don’t hate. One late-night food spot. Let his become your daily orbit.
Day 2: Exposure
Buy day passes. Gyms and coworking spaces usually give you a day to check the place out. Do it! Try more than one.
Talk to staff. Learn names. Crack jokes. Ask questions.
Consider sending a handful of messages to people who operate inside the city. I'm talking about event organizers or promoters. Find some events you're interested in and get them in your calendar.
You should also jump on whatever social media you use and follow some local bars and restaurants and whatever you're into.
Day 3: Get the Tourist Stuff Over With
Museums. Viewpoints. Historical sites.
Do them now or don’t pretend you’ll do them later. People love to say they lived somewhere and never saw the most important thing in it. That’s not a flex.
Neighborhood Reality Check
Location beats price every time during your first 90 days.
If the block feels dead at night, your social life will be too. If a building feels off, trust it. If prices jump the moment you open your mouth, that’s information.
Short-term flexibility buys long-term clarity.
Month 1: Build Surface Area
If you work remotely, work in public.
Rotate between two or three cafés and one coworking space. Show up at the same time. Order the same thing. Familiarity compounds faster than charisma.
Pick a gym and stick to a schedule. Day passes first, then commit.
Hire a private language teacher. Not group classes. Pay for speed. Three sessions a week. You’re not chasing perfection. You’re tuning your ear to the rhythm of the place before you hide inside English bubbles.
Handle the obvious attractions early. The longer you delay, the less likely you’ll go.
Month 2: From Guest to Known Regular
Now things shift.
You stop collecting experiences and start building intent.
In every city, aim to know:
- One venue owner or manager
- One event organizer or promoter
- One reliable driver
Be useful. Bring people to slow nights. Pass business their way. Introduce them to others.
Remember names. Tip consistently. Don’t get sloppy at your core spots. Say yes and show up. Reliability is rare, especially in new social ecosystems.
This is when the city decides whether you’re passing through or sticking around.
Month 3: Host or Organize Something. Anything
Most people never do this. That’s why most people remain guests.
Hosting changes your role. You stop orbiting other people’s plans and become a point of gravity.
A small dinner. A bar crawl. A workout meetup. A 5k run. A game night. Nothing elaborate. Just intentional. What's your hobby or your passion? Start there!
By now you’ve either renewed short-term housing, changed neighborhoods, or committed to a longer lease. Your online presence reflects continuity, not highlights.
This is when the city should start to feel very comfortable and familiar.
Structure Keeps You Sane
Freedom without structure turns into burnout fast.
Train a few days a week. Move on the others. Don’t neglect your body and act surprised when everything feels harder.
Language practice stays consistent. Early effort matters more than talent. Delay it and you’ll box yourself into English circles.
Social nights are intentional. Two or three quality nights beat five forgettable ones.
Work happens in focused blocks. Two or three deep sessions in the morning keeps you ahead when life gets noisy.
One reset day a week. No alcohol. No social plans. Groceries, laundry, long walks, calls home. Burnout sneaks up quietly.
The 30 / 60 / 90 Test
By Day 30
- Staff recognize you at two places.
- You have a gym routine.
- One standing weekly plan.
- A handful of local contacts you can message.
By Day 60
- You’re in group chats you didn’t create.
- You’ve been invited to something organically.
- You know people with real roles in the city.
By Day 90
- You’ve hosted something that worked.
- You have three go-to spots where you belong.
- You have at least two people you’d call if something went wrong.
- You’ve made a clear decision about staying or moving.
- Miss these marks and the problem isn’t the city.
Capital or Second City
Capitals pull hard. They’re loud, expensive, and ego-dense.
Second cities integrate faster. Prices make sense. Relationships feel less transactional.
If your budget feels tight, nightlife eats your sleep, or you keep meeting only foreigners, a second city often fixes it.
Stay in the capital if your work needs volume, you thrive on density, and you can afford the friction.
The Bottom Line
Three months is enough to become rooted or forgotten.
You're not entitled to belonging to whatever city you fell in love with on vacation. You earn it by showing up, staying visible, and creating opportunity. Now, go build something and invite use to your thing, whatever it is, whenever you're ready.
